Un Voyage avec Veronique: July 2007

Yes, I do think its time I pay the due of letting you all know how I am. Where to begin...

Today is my last day in Granada. First thing tomorrow morning I have about 36 hours of traveling on which to embark and once I walk through those airport security gates into the loving arms of my family, my life as I know it will once again change entirely. As you can imagine, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. Mixed feelings would be an understatement. Its pressure like this that make me ask myself questions like, "How much do I really need that degree?" "Exactly how settled do I want to let myself get in the United States?" When the life-altering moments are so close at hand, the decisions I always take for granted really do pop up as decisions that are up to me and I realize much more clearly that I actually CAN do whatever I want most.

A month ago, you would have heard me say "If I could get on a plane home tonight, I would." Today, my statements are more along the lines of "I'd really like to visit my family and friends. I miss them. But I'll be back to Spain in no time." So yes, its very much an emotional and sentimental roller coaster, but given that I was prepared to spend a year here and that I've now done it, and done it well, I can be sincere when saying that I am very, very excited to come home to California and strengthen the bonds with my family, share experiences and make new ones with friends, make the changes in my life that this year I've learned are ones I'm determined to make, and continue to grow and learn and take every moment of life as it comes.

I don't know what to expect in coming home. I've gone from overworked and overbooked (aka life in California) to a year of, yes, hardships and challenges, but mainly, the most exhilirating, spontaneous, relaxing, inspiring period of my life. Coming home, I know I have readjusting to do as far as sticking to schedules, being competitive in class, and maybe not having once-in-a-lifetime adventures every day. But I also know (and by "know" I mean KNOW) that my life will never be the same as it was when I left California. I absolutely refuse to let myself be the sheep I saw myself as to society or the slave I saw myself as to the machine. Life is too short for that. Thanks to the opportunities I now realize are mine and to all the tools I've been given over the years, my goal will be to find the careful balance between working to live and living to work. I believe in myself more today than I ever have in my life and I will do whatever it takes to not let myself down.

I know I heard it a million times before and didn't believe it, but having found it to be true, I'm passing it on. Take it or not: Do whatever it is you dream of doing. Don't stop yourself. Whether its fear, a lover, others' expectations, finances, WHATEVER, THE WORLD IS YOURS! Pay attention to your dreams, your talents, and your opportunities. They are pointing you to where you should be. If you are true to yourself, you will always find yourself exactly where you belong, even if it isn't where you expected to find yourself. If you want something, I promise you can make it happen. And when things don't go as you planned, don't get discouraged. You'll find more often than not, its because you have something better coming your way.

Huge huge thank-yous to all of your support for me to do this. Words can't tell you what this year has meant for me and will continue to mean until my last day. To my family and loved ones who let me go, thank you. I know none of us knew what to expect and I was taking huge risks in forging a temporary life here. However, through any doubts, fears, and uncertainties, you believed in me and supported me and understood that it was what I needed to do. I can't wait to see you and give you a huge hug. I'M COMING HOME, CALIFORNIA!!!!!